Should I Say “Yes” or “No?”
Nothing can be harder in boundaries as just saying ‘no’. However, when you come to think of it, this simple word can have a profound impact on your relationships with others. It not only helps you establish boundaries but also gives you flexibility in the things you can do and can’t do. As much as you want to define the limits, you have to ensure that you maintain a healthy balance. Don’t say ‘yes’ unnecessarily or say ‘no’ to everything.
If you think about the negative effects of saying ‘no’ then you might end up with lots of stress. Saying no might hurt the feelings of others and create distance between you and your loved ones. It might also leave you feeling guilty and regretful just as it might limit your productivity.
Same holds true for saying ‘yes’. ‘Yes’, can end up putting too many undue stressors on you. It can overextend your ability to focus on key areas, projects or loved ones in your life. It can leave you feeling overwhelmed, taken advantage of, and imbalanced.
Most times than not we tend to say ‘yes’ thinking it’s more polite or makes us sound more positive. However, saying ‘no’ can help you fight stress and imbalances. Here are some ways to help you define healthier boundaries by choosing to say ‘no’:
Show Yourself You Value Your Time
Saying ‘no’ can help you establish boundaries between you and adverse people or situations. When you remind yourself how valuable your time is, you can know your limits. It will relieve you from a lot of stress when you can spend your time the way you want to. However, to say ‘no’, it requires a really strong sense of self. If you’ve always been a ‘yes’ person, ease into your new boundaries, pick one thing to say ‘no’ to and build your confidence from there. In the end, you’ll get better control of your emotions and thus can gain a better sense of balance and stand firm to your self-worth.
Boundaries Show You Know What You Want
It helps to always take a moment to ask yourself what you really want before responding to a request. “How is this going help my relationship, myself, solve the issue, balance of time, etc.” This will give you the flexibility to know when to say ‘yes’ and when to say ‘no’. After all, you shouldn’t agree to something you don’t really want to do, this is a waste of your time and theirs. Constantly saying ‘yes’ even to things you don’t like can be very stressful and eat away into your productivity.
To avoid getting into over stressful situations, just say ‘no’, sometimes you don’t even have to justify your response, you need to stand by your gut feeling and how you established your boundaries. When you decide to decline a request from someone this isn’t some bitter act of using the word ‘no’, in fact, it quite the opposite. It shows others that you’re respectful of what they are trying to accomplish, you care about them, you want to see them succeed, and it’s an honor that they asked you to help them out, but you honestly won’t be able to give them the quality time and effort that their request needs, so you respectfully need to decline.
Saying ‘No’ Can Mean Saying ‘Yes’
Whenever you say ‘no’ to one thing, you are essentially saying ‘yes’ to another. A simple ‘no’ can mean opening yourself up to a better opportunity, it might engage you in activities that tailor to your productivity. It can mean an emotional freedom from undue overwhelm, anxiety, and low self-esteem. It can give you the confidence you need to establish or re-establish new boundaries to advance yourself in a new career, relationship, higher education, or whatever you’ve been wanting to accomplish, but haven’t because you’re always got too much on your plate. Could positive changes and opportunities occur in your life by simply saying ‘no’? You might be surprised what comes to you when you start to establish your boundaries.
As you master the art of saying ‘yes or no’, you will fill your life with people and activities that make you feel better, at peace and balanced.
References:
http://coachingpositiveperformance.com/13-approval-seeking-behaviours-you-need-to-stop/
http://coachingpositiveperformance.com/why-approval-seeking-is-a-major-waste-of-time/
http://coachingpositiveperformance.com/accepting-disapproval-4-principles-to-make-it-easier/
http://www.coachingpositiveperformance.com/stress-free-living-book/
